Credens Justitiam
by KoalaNoob
Summary: Four times Sayaka was told what was right and one time she decided for herself. Oneshot.


**Written for the RLt 2015 Green Room's fourth challenge, "Moon Children Philosophy Challenge". My chosen prompt is the first option, _"The right thing... what is it? I wonder... if you do the right thing, does it really make everyone happy?"_**

* * *

 _"Are you really doing it for someone else's benefit? Or the opposite, are you doing it for the person's everlasting gratitude?"_

"Hey, Mami? If you can hear me, I want you to know that I contracted. I'm sorry it took me so long, it's really my fault it came to this. But in the end, I'm glad I made my wish, y'know? I feel so free now. I think I really did wish for what I wanted most, and I'll never regret it. I'll defend Mitakihara from now on. I'll be Magical Girl Sayaka, fighter of witches and defender of the innocent."

For a split second, Sayaka thought she felt the breeze waver.

* * *

 _"There's this friend of mine, she's in trouble. I don't think she's doing or saying anything wrong, but... She keeps trying to do the right thing, but the harder she_ _tries, the worse things get for her."_

It was just the two of them on the roof again.

Sayaka held out her soul gem and inspected its swirling depths. "There's one nearby," she commented quietly. "I should go fight it."

Madoka reached out and put her hand over Sayaka's. "My mama says that it's important to make mistakes and do bad things sometimes." Madoka pushed her rice around her lunchbox, causing it to mix with the sauce on her chicken. "Maybe you should try doing that. It couldn't hurt."

"Madoka, are you crazy? Witches kill people! If I make a mistake, dozens of innocent people could die! I can't put anybody at risk of that, I'm supposed to protect them!"

"But maybe if you skipped hunting familiars for one night, you could get a grief seed and clean your soul gem. That way, you could use more magic and everyone would be even safer."

"I've already told you, familiars can still kill people! Every night, I have to purge the city of them. Who knows what might happen otherwise? The other magical girls don't target them, it's all up to me! If I run out of magic and have to fight without it, that's what I'll do."

Suddenly, Madoka flung herself over her friend, causing the contents of her lunch to spill onto the ground. Latching on tightly, she rested her chin over Sayaka's shoulder and let her tears flow. "Sayaka, Mami had lots of magic and she still d-d-died! You have to use a grief seed or there's no way you can keep beating the familiars! What if you can't even make your swords anymore? You can't punch a witch to death!"

Sayaka hugged Madoka as well, silent for a minute. Eventually, she whispered, "I'll have to Madoka. I'm not going to become selfish like other magical girls. I'll try to be a real hero. Like Mami." She pulled away. "Anyways, I have to go now. Whatever's out there is still there, so it must be a familiar. If I'm not back before class starts, tell Ms. Saotome I'm feeling sick."

Sayaka transformed and leapt off the roof.

* * *

 _"Remember this and take it to heart: kindness can sometimes lead to even greater tragedy."_

"Miki Sayaka, this is your last chance. Take and use this grief seed. If you don't you will begin to despair."

"So what? We've already established that you want to kill me."

"I will not kill you."

"Well, then, why are you suddenly so concerned about what I do anyways?

"Madoka is your best friend, is she not? She follows you out every night, putting herself in danger so she can make a contract if you are ever at risk of being bested by a witch. How can you be so blind to how much you are hurting her?"

"I never asked her to come with me. It's her own choice."

Homura put her grief seed on the floor and turned around. "I have nothing more but this to say to you, Miki Sayaka. You only think know what is right. Watch your decisions, lest they affect someone else in a way you could never imagine." She took two steps and disappeared a second later.

Sayaka picked up the murky black jewel. Her right hand took her soul gem and transformed it. She weighed them together, looking back and forth between both. "Kyubey!"

His small form slid out from behind a tree. "Hello there, Sayaka. What do you want?"

"Tell me what despairing is. I know your tricks, give me the answer in terms of what is is to magical girls."

Kyubey tilted his head sideways, his permanently bemused expression seeming to become a sly and eerie. "And why would you think I would do that? It's not like I understand what "tricking" is."

"Just tell me. Homura said it like it was important."

"When a magical girl despairs, that is, when she stops believing in her wish and in everything else, her magic begins to drain away very quickly. She woould no longer be able to use magic freely, so magical girls who despair are usually steps away from death. Not that they can't recover, of course, grief seeds still work on their soul gems."

Staring skywards, Sayaka murmured, "So I'm going to become an even weaker magical girl. Doesn't matter, I don't have to be a good magical girl to be a hero. I can't use any grief seeds. I have to prove that I'm better than them."

She flung the grief seed behind her.

* * *

 _"Miracles aren't free. When you wish for hope, you create an equivalent of despair. That's why I live for myself. This way, I have nothing to regret."_

She slashed at the beings before her. The tiny, stupid pests wouldn't die. She seemed to be missing every shot, but she really wasn't sure. She really wasn't sure about anything. But she needed to kill them. Heroes couldn't stop and give up just because they were confused, of all things. She could stop after she had won the fight, she would not relent until the deed was done.

It seemed oddly convenient that the foe was being pummeled by its own weapon. What kind of creature fought with wheels, of all things? Ignoring the strangeness, she continued swiping and stabbing at her enemies. Goodness, she had never felt so powerful. Her magic felt limitless (had she used a grief seed and forgotten?) and the strength behind her blows surprised even herself. Even better, it seemed that she was either impossible to hit or was impervious to attacks.

Reaching out, she grabbed the seemingly weaker enemy and lifted it to her face so she could get a good look. It seemed... oddly familiar. Perhaps it had spawned from something she had fought before. Seconds later, though, she felt something sharp go through her wrist. She stomped her... tail? She had a tail? Huh. She was so certain that she used legs to move. Oh well. That was unimportant, these monsters needed to be killed.

One of the two went down. It seemed that the other was tiring. Good. She'd be done in no time at all. And then she would be able to get on with... what had she been doing? Listening to a symphony, maybe. Yes, that was probably it. She would be able to continue listening to a her symphony. Her? Was this symphony for her, somehow?

A third entered her line of sight. Her legs- no, tail, thrashed again. Another? How annoying. Such a pest. She raised her blade, preparing to strike it down. It left before she did, taking the downed one with it. Two minus one plus one minus one was one. One foe left.

It seemed to stop fighting. It was rising, rising, coming closer. They were at eye level.

A most beautiful gem drifted by her eyes.

"...so please, just let me have a happy dream."

And then everything was gone.

The creature was a girl. It was another girl, just like her. She looked down. There were two legs, not a tail. She looked back up.

"Kyo...ko?"

"...I've been granted... a happy dream."

* * *

 _"The balance between hope and despair keeps itself at zero. I myself did save a few people at least, but in exchange hate and jealousy filled my heart. When we pray for someone's happiness, someone else must be cursed in exchange."_

"But that's no longer the case, yeah? Once, I may have had been the one curse, and I may even have inflicted more people with the pain after I died, but She is up there now. Guarding the Law of Cycles, she is protecting our fates. We fight for our wishes, we despair because of our wishes, but at the end, we are granted salvation. Magical girls no longer have anything to fear.

"We won't be fighting for nothing anymore. We'll really be heroes, and when we're finished, She grants us an endless paradise.

"I can't believe that I didn't believe she existed. And yet, she took me anyways. Even with every other magical girl in the past present and future, she found the time to come and save me.

"Thanks to her, I can believe in the good in people again. I can believe in my own actions. I can believe in justice. Most of all, I can believe in Madoka. Her wish brought us all salvation from the endless war we once fought."


End file.
